I'm a young man from Puerto Rico. This blog is about whatever the hell I want to post.
The doctor gave me some anxiety pills that are supposedly stronger than the ones I’m already taking. He also ordered complete lab tests and some advice on controlling my anxiety. I will take the tests tomorrow so I shouldn’t eat anything late tonight.
Let’s hope these pills work cuz the nightmares are just ugh. Last night’s nightmares my gf was cheating on me, Canelo was dying, I was being assaulted by some criminals and was chased by dinosaurs for what seemed like forever.
I wake up feeling afraid and anxious as usual. Still, I know I just have to prevent my thoughts from taking control of me… But lately I’ve felt like it’s easier said than done.
I’m sick and tired of this feeling, it’s like my mind is slowly screwing me up and crumbling me inside. I’ve always known myself as a nervous, anxious individual but these days the anxiety has gotten worse. I’ve been oversleeping, I don’t eat much, I am easily fatigued, I have to breathe deeper than usual, and simple stuff trigger my anxiety. Whilst I’ve been assured that I’m ok (blood test, electrocardiograms) I can’t help but feel a big sense of doom, like my clock is ticking faster or nearing it’s end. I fear for my health everyday even though I shield those thoughts by doing my day to day activities but the nights are the worsts. At night there’s not much to do and my mind begins to wander. It gets harder each night to distract myself with videogames, movies, reading, etc. And apparently I “carry most of my stress” in the left side of my neck and arm which DOESN’T HELP AT ALL. The dreams have become more vivid and longer and, of course, I’ve dreamt I’m having panic attacks and/or heart attacks. I’ve feared at times on the idea that if things keep going this way I just might lose my mind. Tomorrow I shall go to another doctor so he/she can check the test results since several revisions won’t harm. All in all I am getting sick of this and hope to get better soon. I just hope my dreams will be gentle tonight…
Me: *has 5 video games I started to play but never beat*
Me: *plays a game I've beaten 4 times*
video games are a wonderful escape from reality until you see your reflection in the loading screen